Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize