When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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