I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
