Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize