Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize