my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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