Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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