She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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