Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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