I'm lost and stupid without you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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