Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
