i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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