omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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