I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
