Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
