I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
