So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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