make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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