just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
