You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
