My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
