I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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