I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
