I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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