Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had sex on a roof
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
