i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
