I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
