it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
