Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
