I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
