Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
