Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
