The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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