Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
