he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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