He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think my moral compass just broke
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
