man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
