you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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