Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
