A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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