I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
