my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
