i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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