she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
