Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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