sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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