I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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