I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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