Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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