Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
