I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
