somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
