"it" just moved
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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