well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
