We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
