Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
