I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
