we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
