She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
