Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
