3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
