Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
