Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
