I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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