This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
