Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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