can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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