Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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