you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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