is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
