I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
